Friday, August 29, 2014

The next step

It's been a while since I've been in this predicament. A crossroad in my life that I have to make a willing decision for my life. I remember when I was in high school, everything was decided for me. What classes to take, what high school to go to, and even a bit if who my friends would be (the classes you have will determine a lot of who your friends are).  Then senior year came and I thought I had to make a decision on where to go to college, but honestly that was pretty made for me too bc I only got in two colleges and I picked the one that was in the OC area (love love the OC). 

Then I had to pick a major and honestly that's when I started to understand what "make a decision" meant. I came in as a psych major and after my first quarter I knew that the major I was in was not what I wanted in life. So I changed bc I thought I had a path to what I wanted to do in my life. I thought that I knew what I wanted my career to be when I grew up and I made all possible decisions based on that career in this society. 

I did interns, took classes, and even went to graduate school for my career. My whole life was all about achieving that career that I thought about since high school. Then a crossroad came. 

I got married, had kids right away and I had to decide if I should put my career on hold and stay home or if I should continue to pursue my career? And of course I could have done both, my career and raise my kids as well, a lot of moms do it, but I knew myself. I knew how my selfishness is and how I would ultimately put my career above my family and home so we as a family decided for me to stay home. Do I regret it? Do I think I lost 7 years of my life bc I wasn't in my career? Honestly I don't and I wouldn't change it. But now I'm at another crossroads. 

Girls are both in school, I have my masters degree now, and I have a lot of free time...should I pursue my career now?  After much prayer and contemplation I realized that my goal and career has changed within the 7 years. I realized that being a wife and mom is my goal and career. I realized that everything I worked for in school and life intertwined with where I am now. Can I work outside of the home? Yes I can. The question is do I want to? God gave me this awesome quote from Louie Giglio and he said, "Whenever you say yes to something, there is less of you for something else. Make sure your yes is worth the less."

The girls just started school and I need to figure what that means for our family. I want to be involved in their school life as well and be able to volunteer and go to their field trips. So for now I don't think working outside of the home is worth the less for me. And I'm completely happy and at peace with this decision. 

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