Monday, May 19, 2008

the point of it all

I realized that many of my blogs have been missing something...I mean someone. On mother's day Caleb's grandma asked me how I liked being a mom, and of course the first thing that popped into my head was "I enjoy it." But the more I started to think about that question the more I realized my answer to that question is very shallow. A lot of moms enjoy being a mother, a lot of moms enjoy watching their little one grow up, and a lot of moms enjoy playing with their kids. And although I am like a lot of moms who enjoy spending time with my daughter...I shouldn't be like every mom because not every mom knows Jesus.

Knowing Jesus and having a relationship with Jesus should make a difference with how I am as a mom to my daughter and of course a wife to my husband. Although in the back of my head I know my day to day living it isn't being portrayed. For about 6 months I haven't been a mother who makes a difference in my daughter's life because I haven't been fixing and focusing on Jesus in my own life. For about 6 months I haven't been enjoying my daughter and husband to the fullest because I haven't been enjoying Christ who is the ultimate love of my soul. For about 6 months I haven't made a difference for His kingdom because I have been living an ordinary life that has not put Christ supreme. For 6 months month I've been writing about my daughter's life on a blog without even reflecting on how Jesus is transforming me and sustain her life.

God has been very very gracious with me because within the past 6 months He has been faithful in disciplining me and showing me my sins. I have been putting importance on things that are not that important, and neglecting things that are crucial. Do I love being a mother and a wife? Of course I do...but it's so much more. God has blessed me with an opportunity to show Jesus with my words and actions to two people who means a lot to me. God has blessed me with the privilege of influencing and raising my daughter for His glory and helping her grow up to be a girl pursuing God. God has blessed me with a very loving and patient husband who is my best friend and tells me things I don't want to hear.

I want to be more Christ centered in my life as a wife and mother...and as a blogger. I don't want this blog to be in vain. Although I love showing my readers my little girl...I also want to show my readers Christ...especially in her life and mine. I want to make this blog count for His glory. I praise God that He has been showing me my sins and how much I am a sinful creature. I'm so glad that He reminds me that I am still a sinner and I am not perfect...and that I desperately need Him and His forgiving grace.

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