Decisions

We make all kinds of decisions every day.  Some decisions are little and some are big, but no matter what the size may be something will come from that decision.  In May 2019 my family made a huge decision to move out of what we only knew to a place that we had no friends or family.  It was the hardest decision ever with a lot of prayer involved.  At the moment when we decided to uproot the whole family to leave So. Cal to move to PNW I had peace.  I knew it wasn't going to be an easy transition but I was at peace with the move and with full confident on my husband's leadership. 

But a couple of weeks ago it was really hard to be okay being up here.  Not that I don't like the area or that I haven't met awesome people...but I was super homesick.  Friends getting pregnant, getting married, and all these celebrations we were missing made me lonely.  I still haven't felt like I can truly open up to anyone here, and knowing me it will take some time.  My friends back home developed throughout many years and my trust in them was rooted so deep.  And here I am feeling lonely.  I really felt like we may have made a mistake and I was getting very bitter towards my hubby.

But God...I love that phrase so much...because I really needed Him to intervene my hard heart...reminded me through a Sunday sermon that although the outcome of a decision may be hard, that doesn't mean it was wrong.  I am such an impatient person...God is reminding me of this.  Although it may be hard and I may have lonely days, that doesn't mean He is not working.  That His plan for us here is wrong or a mistake.  That He has abandoned me and has forgotten about me. 

The reason for our decision of moving out of So. Cal and coming here may never be revealed to me, I may never see the outcome...but that doesn't mean God is not moving.  I'm reading through the book of Esther and Queen Vashti decided to not go to the king which resulted in a decree throughout the kingdom that affected all women.  One decision she made will eventually save God's people, and I'm pretty sure she never thought about the Israel people when she said no to going to the king.  I do have peace being here, I do have peace being away but that doesn't mean it's going to be easy.  I miss all my friends and family back home.  I miss calling someone to just meet up for coffee or to go with me on errands.  But just because it's hard...it doesn't mean it's wrong.

I praise the Lord that I am not alone even if I do feel lonely.  I'm glad He has not forgotten me even when I don't feel Him.  I'm at peace knowing that His plan is perfect even if I don't see it.