It's been an interesting beginning for 2020. So many emotional ups and downs. After coming back from our 2.5 weeks of visiting I thought I was good and wouldn't miss living there. Although I don't miss "living" there, I do miss the people who live there. This has been my first birthday away and honestly it made me miss being home more. I'm so grateful that the Lord orchestrated that I was able to spend time with some childhood friends in Tacoma, but it wasn't the same. I miss some of my favorite people. I usually celebrate my birthday for a month...yes a month and honestly it was the best. From getting coffee and breakfast to having our annual family Benihana dinner, every moment and people I got to spend time with for my birthday meant so much to me. It's just so different when you have a village that actually knows you and likes to celebrate you...but this year was a little different.
Then finding out a few of my friends had some hardship, sickness or death, was hard because I couldn't physically be there for them. I couldn't hug them. Tell them with my voice that I'm praying for them. It's so hard to be away from people. But not only the hardship but also the celebrations...like baby showers or weddings. Life will continue on in my friends' lives and I won't be there, I'll just be on the other side of the phone screen. I honestly don't feel like celebrating anything anymore. I was glad I got sick during our anniversary...this made us just stay home and do nothing. I have no desire or heart to do anything.
I feel like Jonah after he already delivered the message and then he just walked away and sulked. I understand that God is in control, that His plan is perfect for our good and that at this moment in life our lives He wants us to be here in Washington...but all I want to do right now is just go up the mountain and sulk...waiting for Him to move. I guess I just have to get use to the new reality. The new way of living. The new kind of village.
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