June 6th is when summer vacation started. Being a stay-at-home mom you would think I'm use to having my kids around me all the time...well guess what I'm not. They both go to public school which I love, and ya I can homeschool them, but we decided not to so it's a whole new world for me when they are actually on vacation. Don't get me wrong, I love having my girls home. I get to learn more about who they are, make more memorable adventures and most importantly I can truly push them and point them to Christ. They are with me for almost 24 hours let's say minus 8 hours for sleeping but all that time to influence them should make me jump up for joy...so why am I not?
Honestly I'm seriously tired. Burned out. Exhausted. From when they wake up all I hear is "mommy...mommy...mommy." I'm not a single mom but sometimes it feels that way because although my husband will be home from work the girls still say "mommy...mommy...mommy." AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Going out and doing things out side the house seems the most logical thing to do because it keeps them distracted and entertained...also they fight less. But going out also means me driving here and there, making sure they are hungry, and also making sure no one steals them. I can't just relax and breath, I feel like there's no time to relax.
But God...full of mercy and grace allows me to rest in Him. I find my peace when I actually read scripture or pray. Ya I know I should actually have a schedule for that but during the summer I'm a mess. There's so much room for sanctification. I find myself angry and short tempered. And in the quietness of the room I see my sins. I can not constantly keep focusing on ME...the selfish desires that I have. Because God has called me to serve and love those who He has placed in my life. And for the time being for almost 24 hours I have my girls, and of course my church family. All of their sins and all of my sins clash so much and our prideful desires get in the way...but God is loving and forgiving. Oh the joy of fearing the Lord. My struggle is not my girls...my struggles are my sinful desires of wanting to put myself first.