Moving

It's been almost 2 months since we left California and all the comfort of home.  Left all the people that are important to us, people who have been there for me throughout all life milestone and seeing my girls grow.  We left everything that we knew and was comfortable with to a place that is very unfamiliar and unknown.  Throughout the process I haven't felt sad or lonely, and it's because I have kept my self super busy so I don't have to think about it.  I don't have to feel the full weight of leaving everything behind.  Trying to be ok for my girls because I know it's going to be hard for them to leave everyone they know.  Telling and making my self believe that its a good move for our family because I know that God is perfect and loving and will never leave us.  Trying to be ok because I didn't want Caleb to feel bad that he was moving all of us.  Telling him it was okay to move because I trust his leadership but yelling inside that I would rather have stayed home, yet having peace saying "yes" to being ok to move.  But I also know that God's wisdom is higher than mine and I can trust in Him.  Not to say it's going to be easy and all I want is to know what He has in store for us but trusting Him is not about living an easy life.  Sometimes the path we take is very unknown to us but that doesn't mean it's unknown.  All those times I have read in Scripture that God is a good God, that God knows what's best, that God will never leave His children must be put into action rather than just thoughts.  Through this valley of unknown there is certainty that He knows what's going on.  I must fix my eyes on Him who is the founder and perfecter of my faith understanding that He is not finished with me and my family yet.  He is not finished with Caleb has He continues to mold him to be the leader of our family.  Now that the girls are in school and our schedule is back in order, I find myself sitting alone (while the baby sleeps) and ponder about this move.  And honestly I don't like it and I'm sad that I'm away from everyone.  But just because I don't like it doesn't mean it was a wrong decision to move.  Just because I'm sad doesn't mean we made a mistake.

Being sad doesn't show that I do not trust Him and believe in His promises to His children.  Being sad to be away from everyone shows that I am a creature of emotions (yes I have emotions) and that it's okay to be sad, angry, confused, and at peace all at the time as trusting in my Lord and Savior.  Having emotions doesn't take away from the fact that I know who my God is and that I know that He works all things together for good to those He has called and loved.  Christian growth is a process (sanctification) and it's through all the emotions and questions I have regarding this move will draw me closer to Him.

Time will tell on what the Lord has in store for my family.  For being so far away from everyone we know.  Starting all over with relationships with other people.  So I will just wait and see.