Pace

For the longest time I have been struggling with cultivating an intimate relationship with Jesus. There were days when I would go throughout those days not even thinking about Jesus.  By His grace He would show me my foolish ways and I would try to get back up.  I would see my sins, repent and return to His grace but it wouldn't last very long and I would be back to living my life apart from Jesus.  One thing that I know that contributed to this horrible cycle was my schedule and lack of discipline.  I would find myself making excuses for not reading, find another reason to skip my alone time, and just straight out not want to do it.  I never realized how much the fast pace lifestyle I allowed myself to be in was hurting me more than help me. 

Having a busy schedule is not necessary evil or sinful, but allowing my schedule to dictate my life was for me.  I remember every morning we would be rushing out the house to make sure the two big girls wouldn't be late.  It dealt with a lot of screaming and running, from all of us.  Don't get me started with the days I would have to work and drop off E to her baby sitter and then make sure the three of us were not late to school or work.  Oh man those were our sanctifying hours!!  Then I would pick the girls up, they would do their homework and then off to gymnastic practices...this was our life except for Friday and Sunday.  But then on Sunday we had our Sunday gathering so that was a whole different kind of busy. 

If I wasn't working, I would be at the girls school helping with a PTO event, doing some errands for the family, or hanging out with some friends.  I knew in the back of my head that reading and praying is important in my sanctification, but honestly it wasn't something I desired because I thought I didn't have time for it.  I never realized until I moved here how much I kept myself busy throughout the day...maybe a bit too busy which resulted in my downward spiral of my lack of a deep intimate relationship with the Lord. 

The quiet slow pace I have find myself in now has been interesting.  I find myself having more road rage here than back home.  Not because they drive crazy here, but because they drive sooooo slow, and they are not driving slow because they are slow drivers...but because the speed limit is 25 mph!! yes 25!! Majority of the streets here are 25 and it's not even near a school!  Oh boy it's been a struggle to drive slow but I find that I don't have that "rush" mentality that I gave so much weight before.  I feel like we aren't really "rushing" anywhere anymore.  There's no more screaming (ok sometimes) to hurry up.  There's this quietness within the house and within my soul.  I can sit on my couch, sipping on coffee, and just enjoying the silent moments in the morning (until E wakes up).  I can open my bible and really meditate without having a full on "to do list" in my head.  Slowing my pace of life was something that I needed, something that He knew I needed.  I know I still need to discipline myself when life can get crazy again (like competition season), but at least for now I'm enjoying my time with the Lord.  I'm enjoying the time that I can sit and pray for the day, meditate on the sermon that I heard, or even blog about something that the Lord has been teaching and growing me. 

Oh I pray my family continues to cultivate a quiet spirit and just enjoy the non-busy lifestyle that we are in.  I pray that when life does get crazy that I have learned to prioritized His word knowing how important it is to my growth.  I know "working out your salvation" is something that plays in my head, and I want to grow and see and savor the Lord as much as I can through this quiet moments.