Changing of the leaves

For the first time we are actually experiencing fall; seeing the leaves change color, having colder weather, and doing all things fall activities.  It's a nice change and I must say that the scene is very beautiful.  So many different colors everywhere you look, so rich and vibrant.  It's a nice change from West Covina.  I'm a bit excited that we get to experience seasons, not sure how I'll feel once winter comes around but as for now I'm looking forward to the first snow experience (if we get snow here). 

Experiencing fall is not the only change that I'm surprisingly enjoying.  Since 2001 I have always been serving in leadership in some way at my church.  I was part of the youth leadership, then college leadership, teaching Sunday School, teaching in the children's ministry, teaching during VBS, helping with potluck, leading a small group, and discipling different girls.  I truly enjoyed each aspect of each ministry I was in and I loved serving the people of CFBC, so when I came here I didn't have any of that.  And honestly it feels nice.  Not that I don't want to serve at the church God is placing us, I know that will eventually come, but for this moment of time I'm not in any formal serving ministry.  I'm Mary just sitting at Jesus' feet and learning about His goodness, love and being in awe of who He is.  I think I have been Martha (serving here and there) which isn't sinful or bad but it can cloud the main point of everything...cloud your vision of Jesus.  I love serving people, I love helping people see Jesus more and love Him more, I love furthering His kingdom...but I forgot that I need to see Jesus more and love Him more.  So this moment of not having anything has been a great calm for my soul and heart. 

I didn't realize how easy it is to get so caught up in serving others and being their arrow to Jesus that I neglected my own walk and relationship with Him.  I didn't realize that I allowed serving to be a distraction and even an excuse to not spend time with my Father.  It's easy to justify what I'm doing because I'm helping and serving people, but ultimately I may have made helping/serving people an idol and even caused it to be an identity that I craved for.  A source to gauge how "spiritual" I was or even how much He loves me and even comparing myself with other people who serve or don't serve.  So what a huge blessing that as for now I can refocus my heart and mind to what needs to be central, find my identity in Him who saved me from darkness, and know that if I serve or don't serve (in a formal setting) I am still truly loved by Jesus.